Life. As we know it.

Life. As we know it. There are times in our lives that we are really bound to make mistakes and we ask ourselves why it has to be our choice. Today, I realized in my 30 years of existence, there is one thing I hope I have never chosen. I am turning 30 on Wednesday and looking back I am ashamed of what I have done with some parts of my life so far. I just feel that I have failed God. :( However, I realize that we are lucky enough to have a merciful and loving God. It pushed me to write once again, because It's difficult to express things now to somebody. To whoever I will share this feelings, it may be difficult for him to contain the things I am going to tell. I have suffered so much, but it made me a stronger woman. I can now say that it's really a matter of holding on or really to let go. Just like what the movie LIFE OF PI imparted to the viewers that the essence of life is the art of letting go. It's been almost 5 years now and I am really thinking if this is what I still want... My fear is not I won't be able to move forward, my fear is that I may lose that feeling forever and just let go at the moment everyone least expected. And oh, one more thing, I may not have a tear drop anymore. Just like now, I can't feel the tears coming out of my eyes and all I feel is a silent prayer from my heart pounding so hard asking God to help me contain everything today. Life as we know it. Up until when will I hold on? I surrender everything to God from now on. So be it. Dear God, I still thank you for making me who I am today. I am so much thankful for giving me such a wonderful family. My parents, my brother, my cousins and new friends from work who are willing to listen to me despite everything. Thank you God for everything. I love you. Life as we know it. "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to bring your prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for" - Jeremiah 29:11